20/9/2024–|Last update: 9/20/202410:49 PM (Makkah Time)
In early August, the American Psychological Association published the results of a new study that aimed to understand how our personal assessment of our own happiness and well-being compared to others. The study included three experiments and involved more than 1,800 people who kept daily diaries between 2009 and 2020. The sample included a wide range of gender, age, and geographic location.
The study was based on the hypothesis that societal pressures lead individuals to view happiness as a primary goal and compare their social and material successes to those of others. The results showed that these comparisons can lead to temporary feelings of relief or ongoing frustration as a result of not meeting societal standards of happiness.
Unlike some previous studies, the results of this study revealed that the pursuit of happiness does not necessarily have a negative impact on the individual, provided that he accepts his positive and negative feelings alike, and deals with crises with emotional flexibility and self-forgiveness. Acceptance and understanding are important tools for achieving happiness and well-being.
However, researchers have found that constantly judging our happiness can be harmful if it is linked to fears or comparisons to the past or to others. These feelings can lead to feelings of inferiority, disappointment, anxiety, anger, and depression, creating a general sense of discontent and may prevent an individual from enjoying their successes.
Self-kindness is the key to happiness.
A report by researchers at the University of North Carolina reveals that a person's pursuit of happiness can cause them misery if they practice “self-judgment” rather than “self-kindness.” The report suggests that individuals are often harsh on themselves, blame themselves for failures and compare themselves to others, which causes them suffering.
In contrast, the book “Neuroscience: Empathy, Compassion, and Self-Kindness” defines self-kindness as a feeling of compassion and care for oneself as one would care for another who is suffering. This includes accepting mistakes and forgiving oneself, without comparing oneself to others or feeling wronged.
Being kind to yourself helps reduce feelings of anxiety and depression caused by harsh self-judgment, and promotes mental health through self-esteem and compassion and understanding.
How do you navigate your way to contentment?
- Strive towards your goal, Not towards absolute happiness, there are two ways to evaluate your life, either by striving or by fear; in the first way, the individual focuses on the effort he makes to achieve his goal, and plans according to his capabilities, to rationally estimate the positive events in his life, while in the second way, the individual is preoccupied with the future, and focuses on his fears of unhappiness, and his fear of failure, and considers his future happiness conditional on the occurrence of an event, such as wealth, marriage, or childbirth.
- Don't let your ambition for happiness interfere with your pursuit of your goal.So, you form an ambitious picture very early in the process of planning your goals, and it is usually an unrealistic picture, and then you set it before your eyes as a standard for evaluating the results of your efforts.
- Don't fight your feelings of disappointment. If you fail to achieve a goal, use this feeling to adapt to reality. If your goal is to learn, and you fail a test, remember that this failure does not conflict with your overall goal. Rather, your distress at the result may be a strong incentive towards the goal, instead of dissuading you from your goal.
- The Journal of Happiness Research published a summary of the book “The Difficulties of Happiness,” by Daniel Gilbert, a professor of psychology at Harvard University. Gilbert explained that thinking about the future can be creative, and anxiety and stress can push us toward achievement, but our imaginations make mistakes, such as exaggerating expectations, wanting to go beyond the boundaries of space, time, and circumstances, and having limited human compassion for ourselves and others. Therefore, self-compassion involves recognizing that suffering and personal inadequacy are part of the common human experience, and something we all go through rather than something that happens to “me” alone.
- To have a meaningful life, you don’t have to feel happy most of the time, but rather feel content, accepting, and flexible with your current possibilities. By observing your negative thoughts and emotions with openness, clarity, and awareness, without trying to suppress or deny them, we cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time. At the same time, mindfulness requires us not to over-evaluate thoughts and feelings, so that negativity does not drag us away from our goal.
- wish good for othersWe may repeat phrases like “Oh God, bless” or “May God provide for you from His widest gates,” but we do not recall the meaning of our prayers for good for others. Therefore, choose a prayer, contemplate its meaning, and recall the love for others that the prayer carries, and wishing good for all people, and realize God’s wisdom in His decrees, whenever you repeat the prayer.