A new study has revealed that over-praising your child can affect his development, as researchers warn that although some praise is healthy, excessive use of it can prevent a child from making a great effort, according to the British newspaper “Daily Mail” website.
“The urge to congratulate children on the smallest achievements is irresistible for most parents,” Elliot Major, professor of social sciences at Britain’s University of Exeter, told me.
“One of the hardest lessons for parents who want the best for their children is to reduce excessive praise,” he added.
Professor Elliot Major’s survey of nearly 4,500 people found that 85 percent of them didn’t realize that too many compliments to children were harmful to learning.
The researcher has compiled a large set of research papers that prove his theory for his new book, The Good Parent Educator.
“Praising an easy task sends a subliminal message of low expectations,” he emphasized.
According to parentingscience, studies show that some types of praise can actually destroy your child’s motivation to act. Depending on the circumstances, praise may also damage a child’s self-esteem, or nurture the development of narcissism, selfishness, and self-aggrandizement, as some children hate. Praise if it is exaggerated and they may consider the praise undeserved or dishonest.
Tips for giving your child the right compliment
1. Children need our support and encouragement all the time, not just when they have accomplished something commendable.
Praise can be helpful, but it’s not the only way parents communicate their approval, acceptance, encouragement, and love.
Kids need to know they have that support – especially at times when they feel lost, angry or overwhelmed – so find ways to encourage children when they fail – not just when they succeed.
2. Watch out for insincere praise can evoke negative emotions
Insincere praise may also send the message that we don’t really understand our children
Once children are mature enough to analyze our beliefs and motivations, they may become sensitive to the effects of insincere praise and for many children, this shift occurs around the age of 4 or 5.
3. Avoid excessive praise
This kind of exaggerated praise can lead to problems. It sets high standards in front of the child, and if he achieves them once, he will not be able to achieve them after that. All this leads to his frustration.
4. Avoid praising children for easily achieved achievements.
5. Praise the children for the things they have done – not for being gifted with special abilities. Don’t say you’re too smart! You have a talent!.. this praise may seem to be calculated to boost self-esteem and increase the child’s motivation, and it may work that way sometimes.
But research shows that this kind of praise can be counterproductive and for the same reason kids can worry about keeping a high level all the time.