Paul Wood was the archetypal macho prop who endured 15 operations and played on after rupturing a testicle in the Grand Final… former Super League star could stand toe-to-toe with anybody physically but on the inside he was consumed by depression
- Wood attributes his problems to having suppressed his feelings for decades
- His demons drove him to the brink of taking his own life at Christmas 2014
- The 39-year-old is drawing on his experiences for a mental health programme
- He feels kids in traditional rugby league towns need support with mental health
As the archetypal macho prop, Paul Wood stoically endured 15 operations and played in the 2012 Grand Final after rupturing a testicle, yet struggled to shrug off emotional turmoil.
As he reveals for the first time today, the former Great Britain international’s demons drove him to the brink of taking his own life when he was still a Super League star at Warrington six years ago, which is why he has devoted much of his time following retirement to improving the mental health of the next generation of players.
Wood, 39, attributes his own problems to having suppressed his true feelings for decades, beginning when he developed obsessive compulsive disorder as an anxious teenager who wanted to be seen as a tough guy.
Paul Wood attributes his own problems to having suppressed his true feelings for decades
Now he is drawing on his experiences to deliver a mental health programme developed by men’s health charity Movember, and has hopes of returning to rugby full-time as a welfare officer at a Super League club.
‘I played rugby for 16 years and went into amateur boxing when I finished so I’m not scared of anything physical,’ Wood says.
‘I’ve had my back operated on, I’ve had five shoulder operations, I lost a testicle after losing one of the biggest games of my life.
His nadir came just before Christmas 2014 when he drove to a quiet country lane
‘I’d stand toe-to-toe with anybody physically, but emotionally I’m not that resilient. It cripples me sometimes that I find it hard to speak to people. I’ve never dealt with emotion very well, and the message we’re trying to get out is that if young lads are struggling, they need to find someone to talk to and use the tools we give them. There’s a good saying that a wise man learns from his own experiences, but a wiser one learns from other people’s.’
After years of struggling with OCD, which included visions of family members dying if he failed to perform certain rituals, Wood nadir just before Christmas 2014 when he drove from the family home in Wigan into the countryside.
Although battling injuries during that off-season, life appeared settled and his wife Shelley was expecting their third child, so he struggles to explain why the darkness overtook him.
The 39-year-old is drawing on his experiences to deliver a mental health programme
‘I was at home on my own and was suddenly overcome by a deep, dark depression,’ Wood says. ‘I drove to a quiet country lane, and as I was sitting in the car I contemplated doing something really selfish and stupid.
‘Luckily, I was spotted by a guy driving past who showed me no sympathy. He gave me a right rollicking. He said the son of a friend of his had killed himself two months before and he’d seen the devastation it had caused. He was kind enough to follow me home in his car to make sure I was OK.
‘This guy made me realise how fortunate I was, and how much I had going for me. The realisation of what I’d tried to do hit me suddenly when I got home. I’m in a good place right now, but it’s not a quick fix. It can take years which is why I feel so passionate about this project.’
Wood feels kids in traditional rugby league towns need more support with mental health
As a proud Wiganer, Wood feels strongly that kids in traditional rugby league towns need more support with improving mental health and the statistics back him up. The male suicide rate in Wigan and St Helens, whose teams contest the Grand Final tonight, is double the UK average and suicide remains the biggest killer of men under 45 nationwide.
‘Where I grew up in Wigan you couldn’t be soft,’ Wood says. ‘Wigan and St Helens are tough towns full of gritty people, but there’s a macho image that goes with it. Some people can live with that, but if you can’t it can be hard to say how you feel in those environments.
‘As a young kid I always lashed out and carried that into adulthood. I find it embarrassing that my kids can go on YouTube and find videos that have 40,000 hits of me punching another lad in a rugby match. Every one of them is me fighting, and not even very well! That’s how I dealt with stuff. ‘It’s been a long journey. I’ve learnt to be grateful for everything I’ve got.’
To learn more about Movember’s work in mental health or to donate, visit: www.movember.com
His demons drove him to the brink of taking his own life when he was still a Super League star
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