Eddie Deezen posted a letter to his Facebook account on Friday apologizing for his previous posts and his ‘objectification’ of the waitress Kara Lashbaugh
AN OPEN LETTER TO ALL MY FACEBOOK FRIENDS AND PALS, TO ALL WOMEN AND GIRLS, TO ALL WHO KNOW ABOUT THE WHOLE CURRENT S*IT STORM GOING ON……………..
OK, THIS WILL BE MY LAST AND FINAL MENTION OF THE CURRENT SH*T STORM BETWEEN ME, THE JEWISH DILLINGER, AND HER, THE WAITRESS.
WITH ONE STIPULATION, WHICH I WILL MENTION LATER.
ONE REALLY IMPORTANT THING HAS BEEN OMITTED AND NEGLECTED IN ALL MY POSTS ABOUT ME AND SOME OTHER PEOPLE.
OK, IN RECENT MONTHS, I WENT IN, MANY TIMES, TO A LOCAL RESTAURANT AND REPEATEDLY ASKED A WAITRESS THERE TO PUT ON FAKE EYELASHES. TOLD HER I DID NOT WANT TO EAT THERE UNLESS SHE WORE FAKE EYELASHES.
THIS WAITRESS WAS 21-YEARS OLD.
WHAT I DID, SUBJECTING A 21-YEAR-OLD GIRL TO OBJECTIFICATION LIKE THIS, WAS INCREDIBLY WRONG.
MY BEHAVIOR WAS INEXCUSABLE. IT WAS RUDE, DISGUSTING, UGLY, IT WAS PURE, UNADULTERED SEXISM, IN IT’S TRUEST TERMS AND DEEFINITION.
NO EXCUSES JUSTIFY MY BEHAVIOR.
IT WAS CRUEL AND COMPLETELY THOUGHTLESS.
WAS IT WORSE TO DO THIS TO A 21-YEAR OLD THAN SAY, A 30-YEAR OLD OR 40-YEAR OLD WOMAN?
YES, IT WAS. WHY?
BECAUSE A 21-YEAR OLD. ANY 21-YEAR OLD, WOMAN OR MAN, HASN’T REALLY BEEN “AROUND THE BLOCK” YET.
ANY ADULT, FULLY GROWN WOMAN, LET’S SAY MAYBE 27 OR 30, AROUND THAT AGE, AND OLDER, KNOWS “HOW MEN CAN BE”
MEN CAN BE INCREDIBLY CRUEL TO WOMEN, IN THE SENSE OF OBJECTIFYING THEM, JUDGING THEM SOLELY ON THEIR LOOKS, MAKING THEM FEEL LIKE A SLAB OF MEAT.
AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I DID.
A YOUNG GIRL, LIKE THIS WAITRESS, WAS POSSIBLY OVERWHELMED, MAYBE SHE WOULD BE AT A LOSS, INCAPABLE OF HANDLING WHAT, FOR HER, MUST HAVE BEEN VERY AWKWARD, TO SAY THE LEAST.
A GUY COMES IN AND SAYS, “LOOK, SERVE ME MY FOOD, BUT I WANT YOU TO PUT ON A MINISKIRT WHILE YOU DO IT”.
I CAN SEE THIS BEING A BIT SCARY, OVERWHELMING, TO YOUNG WOMAN OF 21. YOU CAN’T SAY ANYTHING TO THE GUY YOURSELF, MAYBE.
SO YOU GET THE MANAGER. THE MANAGER HEARS WHAT’S GOING ON AND APPROACHES THE RUDE GUY.
MANAGER: “SIR, THIS IS YOUR WAITRESS. SHE IS HERE FOR ONE PURPOSE, TO SERVE YOU YOUR FOOD. IF YOU ASK HER TO DO ANTHING ELSE, ESPECIALLY SOMETHING OBNOXIOUS LIKE WEAR AN OUTFIT OR PUT ON FAKE EYELASHES OR ANYTHING OF THIS SORT, YOU CAN GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY RESTAURANT. YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE”.
THE GUY (TREMBLING): “YES SIR”.
NOW, IN THE CASE OF AN OLDER WOMAN OR PERHAPS A REALLY TOUGH, SEASONED WOMAN, A SUSAN SARANDON TYPE, SHE IS TAKING A GUY’S ORDER AND HE ASKS HER TO SERVE HER HIS FOOD AND WEAR A MINISKIRT OR SOME SUCH THING. DO THIS OR YOU CAN’T SERVE ME.
WAITRESS (SUSAN SARANDON TYPE) (GRABBING HIS SHIRT COLLAR AND PULLING HIM UP TO HER FACE): “LISTEN, YOU LITTLE JERK-OFF. I AM YOUR WAITRESS, SEE? I AM HERE TO TAKE YOUR ORDER AND BRING YOU YOUR FOOD. THAT IS ALL I AM REQUIRED TO DO. AND IF YOU EVER SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN, I AM GOING TO TEAR YOU A NEW ONE”.
GUY (TREMBLING): “YES MA’AM”.
WHAT I DID WAS UNJUSTIFIED, HOWEVER, I WAS NEVER ONCE INFORMED BY ANYONE THAT I WAS BOTHERING OR INTROVERTING THIS GIRL, IN ANY WAY.
IF I HAD BEEN TOLD THIS, EVEN ONCE, BY HER OR THE MANAGER, I WOULD HAVE STOPPED IMMEDIATELY.
APPARENTLY, THIS SWEET, UNASSUMING WAITRESS WAS LETTING ME DO MY MEAN BEHAVIOR, THEN GOING AND WRITING ABOUT IT ON HER TWITTER ACCOUNT.
HER TWITTER ACCOUNT PROBABLY HAD ABOUT 3 FOLLOWERS, BUT THIS MADE HER FEEL SOMEHOW IMPORTANT, LIKE A SOMEBODY, NOT A NOBODY.
BIG TIME. NOT SMALL TIME.
“HEY EVERYBODY, THE GUY FROM GREASE, HE ASKED ME TO PUT ON FAKE EYELASHES. I’M CREEPED OUT. BUT I MANAGED TO GATHER MY COMPOSURE TOGETHER AND POST ABOUT IT ON TWITTER. THIS IS REAL CREEPY, BUT HILARIOUS. I WANT IT TO END, RIGHT? BUT NOT ENOUGH TO TELL THE GUY I WANT IT TO END. HILARIOUS”.
15 MINUTES OF FAME, RIGHT?.
“NOBODY” BECOMES “SOMEBODY”.
AND THIS CREEPY IDIOT NERD ACTUALLY BELIEVED THIS PERSON WAS HIS FRIEND. PRETTY INCREDIBLY STUPID OF THE NERDY GUY.
I HAVE NO DOUBTS NERDS HAVE BEEN FLIRTING AND DOING OTHER OBNOXIOUS THINGS TO WOMEN SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME, RIGHT?
I AM SURE THERE WERE AWKWARD NERDS IN ANY AGE, IN ANY ERA, AND THEY WERE ATTRACTED TO PRETTY GIRLS THEN.
THEY WOULD DO SOMETHING INCREDIBLY STUPID AND THOUGHTLESS.
THE WOMEN? WELL, TWO POSSIBLE RESPONSES.
KIND, DECENT WOMEN, WOMEN WITH AN OUNCE OF HUMANITY, WOMEN WITH A HUMAN HEART, TOLD THE GUY, “LOOK MELVIN, I AM FLATTERED BY YOUR ATTENTION, BUT PLEASE STOP IT, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND OR A HUSBAND OR I JUST PLAIN AM NOT THE LEAST BIT INTERESTED, OK?’.
THE GUY EITHER GETS THE MESSAGE AND STOPS OR HE PERSISTS, IN WHICH CASE IT BECOMES MORE SERIOUS OF A MATTER.
THE OTHER KINDS OF WIOMEN, MAYBE SLIGHTLY LONELY, HUNGRY FOR SOME ATTENTION WOMEN? THEY MIGHT PRETEND INTEREST, THEN GO BACK IN THE KITCHEN AND LAUGH AT THE NERD. THEY MIGHT EVEN CALL THEIR FRIENDS AND RELATE THE HILARIOUS “CREEPY” INCIDENT, RIGHT?
THIS WEIRD SLIGHTLY FAMOUS GUY IS ATTRACTED TO ME, IT IS COMICAL, NOT EVEN THAT, IT IS REAL “CREEPY”. BUT NOT CREEPY ENOUGH THAT I TRY TO END IT IN ANY WAY.
BECAUSE THIS IS KIND OF FUN, RIGHT? MAKING THIS GUY LOOK UGLY OR STUPID OR OBNOXIOUS, HE IS NOT AWARE OF THIS, AND NOT TRYING TO TELL HIM HE LOOKS THIS WAY AND TO PLEASE STOP, RIGHT?
ANYWAY, THIS BRINGS ME TO MY MAIN POINT.
YES, I DID APOLOGIZE TO THE WAITRESS.
BUT I NEVER APOLOGIZED TO EVERY OTHER WOMAN IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.
I WANT TO APOLOGIZE TO EVERY WOMAN, ALL WOMEN, FOR MY GROSS, OBNOXIOUS, SEXIST BEHAVIOR, TO DEMEAN ANOTHER HUMAN BEING LIKE THIS, TO DO THIS TO ANYONE, BUT ESPECIALLY A 21-YEAR OLD, WAS PARTICULARLY DISGUSTING.
I APOLOGIZE TO ANY WOMAN WHO IS AWARE OF THIS CURRENT EVENT.
I WILL NEVER, EVER DO ANYTHING REMOTELY LIKE THIS AGAIN.
I HOPE YOU CAN FIND IT IN YOUR HEARTS, INDIVIDUALLY, TO FORGIVE ME AND KNOW I WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN.
A SANE PERSON, A DECENT PERSON, MAKES A MISTAKE, A TERRIBLE ONE, HE SEES HOW HE WAS WRONG, HE APOLOGIZES AND HE CORRECTS HIS FUTURE BEHAVIOR AND NEVER DOES IT AGAIN.
NOT REALLY MUCH ELSE HE CAN DO, RIGHT?
AND IF THIS DOES HAPPEN, MOST WOMEN, WOMEN WHO ACTUALLY HAVE A HUMAN HEART AND HAVE EVEN A MODICUM OF COMPASSION, WILL FORGIVE THE JERK, UNTIL HE DOES SOME SUCH THING AGAIN IN THE FUTURE. THEN IT BECOMES MORE SERIOUS.
I THINK EVEN MOST MEN, ALTHOUGH NOT REALLY INVOLVED IN THIS IN THE SENSE WOMEN WOULD BE, WOULD FORGIVE TOO, AND GIVE THE GUY A BREAK.
EXCUSES? NONE. EXPLANATION? HEY, I’M A NERD. I THINK WE ALL KNOW THIS.
I AM THE NERDY GUY FROM THE MOVIES, EUGENE THE NERDY GUY FROM “GREASE”, I AM VERY AWKWARD SOCIALLY.
SO I CAN DO SOME INCREDIBLY STUPID THINGS.
LIKE HURTING SOME FELLOW HUMAN BEING I DID NOT EVER INTEND TO HURT.
FORGIVENESS? OK, I HOPE SO. BECAUSE I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW BAD I FEEL ABOUT THIS INCIDENT, BUT I WAS THE INSTIGATOR, I BROUGHT IT ON BY MY ORIGINAL BEHAVIOR.
SAME WITH ANY OF MY FACEBOOK POSTS. I HAVE BEEN POSTING JOKES AND STUFF HERE ON FACEBOOK FOR 12 YEARS, SINCE 2009.
THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF POSTS. I HAVE NO DOUBTS THESE POSTS HAVE BEEN LOOKED THROUGH WITH A FINE TOOTH COMB, BY MY DETRACTORS, HOPING TO FINDS SOMETHING NEW AND JUICY. IF ANY OF MY PREVIOUS FACEBOOK POSTS ARE FOUND TO BE OFFENSIVE TO WOMEN, THEN I APOLOGIZE FOR THEM TOO.
NOW, IN THE PAST RECENT FEW DAYS, I HAVE BEEN SENT THE MOST VILE, UGLY, DISGUSTING PM’S FROM MANY “ANONYMOUS” PEOPLE. I MEAN, I DO HAVE THEIR NAMES, ALL STILL ON MY PM THREAD, MANY NAMES WERE REPORTED AND A SELECT FEW WERE GIVEN TO THE POLICE, BUT “UNKNOWN” PEOPLE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
I HAVE BEEN CALLED “A MINOR CELEBRITY”. “A WASHED UP HAS BEEN”, “NOT A HAS BEEN, A NEVER WAS”, “A DISGUSTING CREEP”, “A PIG”, AND MUCH WORSE.
OF YES, AND MY FAVORITE PM OF ALL— “SUFFER”. SUCCINCT, RIGHT?
I HAVE BEEN CALLED “UGLY” THIS WEEK MORE TIMES THAN I PROBABLY HAVE IN ALL THE PREVIOUS YEARS OF MY LIFE- MANY PM’S SAYING “YOU’RE AS UGLY IN REAL LIFE AS YOU ARE IN THE MOVIES”. SOME SUCH CRACKS, MANY OF THESE.
OF COURSE, IF YOU WANT TO REALLY TRY AND HURT SOMEONE, YOU CALL THEM “UGLY”, RIGHT?
OK, I NEVER ONCE HAVE CALLED MYSELF OR THOUGHT OF MYSELF AS A CELEBRITY. I AM, ON A SCALE OF ONE TO TEN, CELEBRITY-WISE, ABOUT A THREE. A THREE, AT MOST A FOUR.
I AM WELL AWARE OF MY STATUS IN THE CHAIN OF CELEBRITY AND I AIN’T THAT HIGH.
UGLY? I AM ALSO WELL AWARE OF MY LOOKS AND I AIN’T GEORGE CLOONEY, BRAD PITT OR CLARK GABLE.
MANY OF MY FACEBOOK FRIENDS HAVE BEEN THREATENED IF THEY REMAIN FRIENDS WITH ME. THREATENED IN COWARDLY PM’S,
SAME WITH FACEBOOK GROUPS I AM IN.
I HAVE BEEN BLOCKED OFF SOME FB PAGES I USED TO ENJOY GOING ON.
I WAS SCHEDULED TO SIGN AT A SIGNING SHOW IN AUGUST, THIS EVENT I WAS PULLED OUT OF, NO EXPLANATION WAS GIVEN TO ME, JUST PULLED OUT OF THE LINEUP. I BELIEVE THE REASON WAS FOR THE SAFETY OF THE PATRONS. WHATEVER.
I WAS TOLD MY DETRACTORS CHEERED HEARTILY WHEN THE THREATS THEY’D MADE TO THE EVENT PEOPLE WORKED.
CELEBRITY SHOW SIGNINGS? I AM PRETTY SURE THESE ARE OVER FOR ME NOW, PERMANENTLY.
CAMEO VIDEOS? I USED TO DO AT LEAST A COUPLE A WEEK. NOW- BUPKIS.
LOOK, I AM A PRETTY HAPPY GUY.
ALL I NEED ARE MY BEATLES BOOKS. MY BEATLES MAGAZINES, BEING ALLOWED TO POST MY DUMB JOKES ON FACEBOOK. HAVING MY GROUP OF FRIENDS, BEING ABLE TO WATCH OLD MOVIES ON TCM, STUFF LIKE THAT.
MY GOOD NAME, MY REPUTATION, IT WILL NEVER FULLY BE BACK. NOT LIKE IT WAS.
41 YEARS IN LIVED IN L.A., NOT ONE COMPLAINT ABOUT MY CRUDE, “CREEPY” BEHAVIOR WAS EVER MADE BY ANY WAITRESS OR ANY WOMAN. ZERO.
BUT NOW I HEAR THERE ARE LIKE A HUNDRED OR HUNDREDS OF WAITRESSES WHO FOUND ME OFFENSIVE OR “CREEPY”.
MY PALS, PEOPLE WHO KNOW ME, OF COURSE, KNOW ALL THE BAD RUMORS ARE NOT TRUE.
THE REAL HATERS, THEY WILL ALWAYS HATE ME, I CANNOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS. HATERS GONNA HATE.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE IN THE MIDDLE? WELL, THEY MAY EVEN LIKE ME, BUT FOR SOME, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE THE THOUGHT IN THE BACK OF THEIR MINDS, “HMMM….MAYBE EDDIE REALLY DOES MOLEST YOUNG GIRLS”, “MAYBE HE DOES GRAB THE A*SES OF 12-YEAR OLDS”.
WHENEVER AND WHEREVER “GREASE” OR “THE POLAR EXPRESS” OR ANY OF MY MOVIES PLAY, ANYWHERE, PROBABLY, WHEN I APPEAR ON SCREEN, AT LEAST ONE OR TWO WILL BOO OR HISS.
I CAN’T APPEAR AT ANY FUTURE “GREASE” OR “POLAR EXPRESS” EVENTS, RIGHT? IT MIGHT RUIN THEM, SOMEONE MAY HECKLE ME OR THROW INK ON ME OR SLASH THE TIRES OF THE CAR I WAS DRIVEN IN ON.
SO SEE? MY LIFE HAS BEEN HURT BY WHAT I DID IN A MANY WAYS.
SO, IF YOU WANTED TO SEE ME ‘PAY” FOR WHAT I DID, YOU ACCOMPLISHED YOUR PURPOSE, RIGHT?
SO LET’S ALL END THIS THING.
I WILL NEVER COMMENT ON IT AGAIN ON MY FACEBOOK PAGE, OK?
WITH ONE STIPULATION.
IF I AM PHYSICALLY ATTACKED BY A HATER, THEN I WILL TELL ABOUT IT, I WILL POST ABOUT IT, I WILL GO TO THE POLICE AND CALL THE NEWS AND MY LAWYER.
FAIR? OK.
TIME TO MOVE ON.
MUST HAVE BEEN FUN GETTING ON TV AND ALL, RIGHT?
RUINING THIS JEWISH DILLINGER’S REPUTATION AND ALL, GETTING SO MANY TO NOW HATE THIS CREEP’S GUTS.
FUN STUFF, RIGHT?
BUT HEY, I’M ON TV. I AM ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED, I EVEN HEARD ONE REPORT THAT YOU ATTEMPTED SUICIDE OVER THIS HEINOUS EVENT.
TRUE? NOT TRUE? WHATEVER.
I MEAN, WHAT A THREAT THIS GUY IS, RIGHT?
A 64-YEAR OLD GEEK WHO HAD A MAJOR HEART OPERATION LAST YEAR, WHO WAS IN A COMA, WHO WAS IN A WHEELCHAIR FOR MONTHS, WHO WAS CALLED “TOUCH AND GO” BY HIS DOCTORS, EVERY DAY, BUT SOMEHOW HE RECOVERED.
A TRULY OMINOUS PRESENCE, A GUY ABOUT AS PHYSICALLY THREATENING AS PEE-WEE HERMAN IN A JOCK STRAP. RIGHT?
A GUY WHO, IF HE WAS PUT IN THE RING AGAINST MOST TEENAGE GIRLS TO BOX, THE GIRL WOULD PROBABLY BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HIM.
A “CELEBRITY”? PLEASE, DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH.
DEVASTATING. TRAUMATIZING, STIGMATIZING. YEP, MUST HAVE BEEN.
OK, THIS IS THE END OF IT, I HOPE.
I WILL BE POSTING MY JOKES AND STUFF TONIGHT, AS USUAL, AFTER I WATCH “JEOPARDY” WITH MY MOM AND BROTHER.
THE MEAN PM’S? IF YOU WANT TO, KEEP SENDING, I WILL KEEP BLOCKING, MY UNCLE LEO WILL KEEP TAKING NAMES AND REPORTING.
HATERS GONNA HATE. RIGHT?
AND SO LET’S END THE BATTLE OF THE JEWISH DILLINGER VS. THE LOCAL ANITA HILL.
I JUST HOPE NO REAL WOMEN, DOING ACTUAL IMPORTANT THINGS, LIKE FIGHTING FOR WOMEN’S RIGHTS, DON’T GET TAKEN IN, TAKEN IN BY A VERY SHREWD AND CALCULATING VERY HUNGRY FOR ATTENTION PERSON, AND BELIEVING THAT SHE IS A MODERN DAY SUSAN B. ANTHONY.
I MEAN, HEY, MAYBE A TV SHOW MIGHT HEAR ABOUT ALL THIS AND COVER IT AGAIN, RIGHT? NEAT-O. KEEN.
I WILL CONTINUE TO OPPOSE RACISM.
I WILL CONTINUE TO OPPOSE HOMOPHOBIA. (EVEN BY SOME I SHALL NOT NAME).
AND I WILL CONTINUE TO FIGHT THE MOST RUTHLESS, THE MOST DANGEROUS, THESE MENACES, THESE VERY THREATS TO OUR CURRENT CIVILIZATION——THOSE WHO POST ON FACEBOOK IN ALL-CAPS.
YOUR FRIEND ALWAYS, EDDIE DEEZEN “THE JEWISH DILLINGER”