Greg Gutfeld: Hunter Biden masks himself as injured party to create sympathy for his sleazy actions

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It’s been said some cats have nine lives, but when your dad is a Democrat supported by the press, multiply that by a thousand and you have Hunter Biden.

Fresh off tossing the n-word around like one of his empty crack pipes — what does the media choose to focus on? His new life as a full-time painter. I can’t blame him.  No one can say he isn’t qualified to paint what looks like hobo vomit. Now they won’t allow us to show the paintings, but trust me – it looks like hobo vomit. Trust me, I live in New York. I know what hobo vomit looks like—it looks like Hunter Biden paintings

But I get the new occupation. Paying a guy a fortune for a job he has no qualifications for is harder to explain, than buying hobo vomit from a Chinese businessman.

But rather than focus on that stuff, Artnet assesses him as “a controversial figure who has been vilified by the right and uncomfortable ignored by the left.” Which absolves him of any culpability. This is not about his crimes, the guns, the drugs, the strippers, the smears he made against others. No, Hunter just wants “to talk about the art.” And Jeffrey Dahmer really preferred questions about his poetry.

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Because as Artnet says, “It’s art, and for Biden, everything is connected.” Except of course his laptop. But that is the word: connected. Hunter is Joe’s son — connected to a lifelong Democrat who knows how to grease the wheels of influence. And the tracks on his acorn stairlift.

I mean – forget Hunter’s n-words for a moment – Though it’s hard. The guy thinks he’s the love child of Eazy-e and Michael Scott. The real racist act was when Hunter referred to two Mexican grocery store workers as “prolly illegal.” (He was prolly too hammered to pronounce probably). 

While being questioned about a missing gun that was dumped in a trash can near that store, Hunter tried to shift the attention onto two innocent people, referring to their immigration status. If this was any more racist it would be a segregated water fountain.

But it’s Hunter, who gets more free passes than a losing gambler at a casino buffet. And now he’s on a personal quest for universal truth. Well here’s the truth. Up until recently, Hunter had been living in a 5.4 million dollar house. Who knew crack addicts could be so successful! I got in the wrong line of work. But he moved – claiming he was being harassed by evil right-wingers. But that could be pissed off strippers looking for child support.

His artwork is set to go from 75 to 500 thousand dollars a pop. I heard he gave a landscape painting to his dad. But Joe is convinced it’s another window in his bedroom. Anyway, that amount of money can buy a lot of straws – which by the way, is how Hunter paints. Blowing through a straw. It’s a great excuse when the cops show up. “Sorry officer, those are paintings of snow-covered mountains.”

So why should you care? Well, today we are inundated with endless examples of racism. It’s in our cartoons, foods, clothing. Even our denials of racism is racist. There’s a bigot under every bed. Three if you sleep on a king size. It’s a great distraction. If you focus on the guy in the MAGA hat — then you’re less likely to hit Joe Biden for his corrupt nepotism. See the red hat, ignore the corrupt brat.

To save his son, he’ll throw an entire country under the bus, using the phrase “systemically racist.” And so we are in the middle of an unholy collaboration between wacked out activists and a wacked out president. Nitro meet glyceryn.

You see this with corporations. The new woke extremism keeps everyone busy. You’re less likely to point out that corporations do business with countries that tie 12-year-olds to workbenches for 14 hours – when you’re getting paid by that corporation, to teach anti-racism to the workforce.

Places like North Face can continue to make stuff out of petroleum, Shake Shack can buy slaughter cattle for meat, the CIA can still operate undercover ops — but as long as you fly that pride flag, or that BLM flag – (both most likely made in China by the way) – you’re good. 

HUNTER BIDEN-LINKED LOBBYING FIRM FACING DOJ PROBE, REPORT SAYS

Corporate virtue signaling is like a bull fighter’s cape.  While you look at the twirling cape he stabs you. I wonder what the angry White male has to say.

Tom Shillue, Angry White Male: Art’s a mystery to me but I got to respect its power. Remember that film Titanic, when that guy Jack asked Rose to take her clothes off so he could sketch her. She just does it. So I thought to myself, I should have taken art instead of shop class. You know how many tables I got to make to get a woman to take her clothes off?

Meanwhile, Hunter’s laptop languishes – A reminder of how the media, the tech giants, and Democrats colluded to bury a bombshell of a story to help daddy win. The connections in this case really worked for both dad and son.

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There’s some crazy s*** in there, but the press can’t touch it, because then it incriminates them in the coverup. Meanwhile – Hunter keeps playing the tortured genius game. Masking himself as an injured party to create a shield of sympathy for his sleazy actions.

It’s a clever tactic. But he doesn’t have to work that hard. He’s got a dad that protects him, and a media that looks the other way. Except, you know, when he’s painting.

This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s opening monologue on the June 15, 2021 edition of “Gutfeld!”