Greg Gutfeld: Kamala Harris is having a rough time, and her party won’t throw her a life preserver

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So glad you’re tuning into tonight. I am aware however that some of you aren’t watching. But it’s not by choice.

Yep, according to Kamala Harris – if you don’t live in the city, where the politicians live, you’re living in 500 BC. It’s because you live in rural areas, where there’s probably no TV. No cable. There’s probably not even a faucet for running water.

If you’re in the south right now, chances are you have no idea what I’m talking about because the language of English hasn’t reached you yet. Yep, you don’t even have Xerox machines. If you want to make a copy of something, you’re going to have to break out the silly putty. Right Kam?

Kamala Harris, July 9: “I don’t think that we should underestimate what that [compromise on voter id laws] could mean,” . “Because in some people’s mind, that means you’re going to have to Xerox or photocopy your id to send it in to prove who you are. Well, there are a whole lot of people, especially people who live in rural communities, who don’t – there’s no Kinkos, there’s no OfficeMax near them.” 

What a dumb lady. Hell, don’t she know we keep our Xeroxes down by the crick! Under the bridge by the shopping cart!

Yep, rural communities are like the barren wastelands of Jupiter. No wonder it took so long for her to reach the Mexican border. It’s 92 days by covered wagon. It’s true – if you listen to this administration when they talk about voter ID – this is a country of redneck rubes and black dullards.

We’re all so incapable without government. And rather than help us, they just call us stupid. Fact is – if you don’t live in the city – the White House thinks you’re some three-fingered yokel who can only write your name after drinking twelve Miller Lites and aiming at the snow. 

But even if it’s a little bit true that people can’t get government ID’s, isn’t that the government’s fault? And they act like elections are these big surprises. You actually do have months to make a copy of an ID in between digging outhouses and killing bears.

But God help you if you’re not near an OfficeMax! How on earth can you survive without a 10 ream case of x-9 copy paper! Or a 24 ounce tub of peanut butter-filled pretzel nuggets!

As for Kinkos, dear lady – have you gone outside since 2008? Last time I saw a Kinko’s was between a Pontiac dealership and Blockbuster Video. By the way, Kinkos sounds like the name of a clown you hire for Hunter Biden’s birthday.

FedEx took them over years ago – mainly cuz the people who worked there made the people who work at the DMV look happy to see you. FedEx bought Kinkos sixteen years ago for 2.4 billion, then spent another 900 million to drop the name from its storefronts. So – they’re gone now. 

Has anyone broken the news to Kamala – about this? Wait till she hears about Crystal Pepsi.

Talk about being behind the times. Does Kamala realize you can take a picture of your ID with your phone, and send to someone who can print it for you? True – smartphones have these things called cameras.

If you don’t believe me Kamala, go back and look at some footage of the riots you helped create last summer. You’ll see many people in the mobs holding this weird phone/camera device. But, maybe she thinks we’ll never figure out that voter ID requirements doesn’t make it harder to vote, it makes it harder to cheat.

But this is their way of moving away from the “blacks aren’t capable of having an ID To “also, poor whites too.” now they insult any place where the phrase “whole foods” still means donut. But if you can’t get an ID in rural areas, then how do they drive Ford F-150’s to the militia meetings?

But maybe if she did less work, she’d know this. Because as you know – she can’t say no.

Soledad O’Brien: Here is the shortlist of what you are overseeing and I have left things out. Immigration, increasing broadband access, black mortality, racial inequality, women in the workforce, infrastructure. We just talked about voting rights. That seems like a lot for one person

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Kamala: don’t forget I am in charge of the space counsel. 

O’Brien: This is the short partial list. Can one person do all that realistically? 

Kamala:  well you know I have always multitasked and certainly there is a lot to get done. Yea maybe I don’t say no enough? 

Should have said no to this interview. She’s the most non-serious political candidate since Mayor McCheese. But what a question from Soledad. All those responsibilities – can one person do all that realistically?

I don’t know. Why don’t you ask Dick Cheney? He did lots more than Harris, and still found time to shoot someone in the face. But would anyone have asked that question of a white male? They’d have a better chance of being hired for on-air talent at ESPN.

“That seems like a lot for one person,” O’Brien said, but it was more like, “that seems like a lot for one female of color.” Perhaps the workload is racist. 

What does the angry White male think?

Tom Shillue, Angry White Male: You know Vice President Harris makes a pretty good point—I couldn’t get by without my printer/fax copier. Not everyone has one of these babies—I guess I do have privilege. But it doesn’t seem fair that some people can’t get an id and I can just print them up whenever I want.

What does the angry Black male think?

Tyrus, Angry Black Male: I know you aint looking at me about to ask some dumbass question about how it’s too hard for black people to get voter id cards and driver’s license—I’m not gonna go there. I’m not gonna do what you think I’m gonna do. In this country, you can have an id card, driver’s license, credit card—some form of identification so you can rent cars, rent apartments, buy homes, get jobs, etc. You have to stand on line at the DMV it sucks but people before us withstood worse things for the right to vote. So this is ridiculous, it’s dumb.

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So Harris is having a rough time, and even her party won’t throw her a life preserver. It took me a while to figure it out – but she’s me when I’ve had a job I hate. I just do what she does – the worst job possible. So they get rid of me. Did you notice how they never asked me to host “Fox & Friends? All it took was me doing it once.

So my prediction? At this rate, not only is Joe a one-termer, so is she. The backup quarterback, it turns out, has no game. Maybe she can get a job at Kinkos. Sorry Fedex.

This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s opening monologue on the July 12, 2021 edition of “Gutfeld!”