It is normal to have different emotional reactions of varying intensity.
Many have posted messages on social media platforms that include the meanings of forgiveness and tolerance for all those who wronged them or caused them pain during the past year, hoping to open a new page with everyone coinciding with the beginning of the new year.
It seems that the state of the celebrations may push some to reconcile with themselves and those around them to a great extent, some even forgiving their tormentors or those who were the cause of their exposure to psychological harm.
But what many do not know is that pressure on the victim to accept tolerance for everyone, and to overcome past crises, can become a cause of a person’s exposure to severe psychological crises, through which he may harm himself.
Some mistakes may be forgiven, and many feel the euphoria of reconciliation and satisfaction towards those who wrongly caused their pain, but what about the owners of malicious and harmful actions? How will you get past their deliberate and destructive attacks? How can the victim be forgiven if the wrongdoer does not take responsibility for his actions? This is not a call for revenge or hostility to tolerance, but rather an attempt to properly evaluate things and people around us. Each of us has a person or group of personalities that cannot be tolerated.
In his work with trauma survivors, psychotherapist Dr. Robert Berezin has found that feeling sad and expressing anger, which he describes as “mourning” are most important in recovery, especially to help trauma survivors overcome depression, anxiety, and even anger resulting from the abuse and harm.
According to Berezin, mourning is the biological process that allows us to abandon and deactivate the brain maps that result from trauma. Which means that forgiveness is often not the best path to recovery. Full and complete mourning is necessary to get over the trauma. After trauma, you may need to take the following steps:
Forgive yourself first
With all the pressure put on victims and survivors of trauma and toxic relationships to forgive those who wronged them, trauma survivors place a lot of guilt and blame on themselves for having had a traumatic experience.
So, forgive yourself for having had these crises. Forgive yourself and stop recalculating, regretting not paying attention to the red flags and being late in taking the right reaction at the right time.
If there is an opportunity to sue or complain about those who have wronged you, do not force yourself to appear as a tolerant victim, and do not allow those who have harmed you to go unpunished, but at the same time if you do not find legal support in judging the situation, do not blame yourself that the party The other got away with it.
trust your feelings
Psychologists advise that blogging and writing should be necessary in the phase of recovery from trauma. In the early stages, journaling is a safe way and a good way to get rid of negative emotions, so that they don’t remain pent-up.
Make it a goal to write at least 5 minutes in the morning and another 5 at night for at least the first month.
When we look at our writing long after the traumatic experience, we can see how our feelings have developed.
Signs of growth are obvious rewards that trauma survivors celebrate. Once you feel safe enough to express your feelings, this natural progression will occur within you. Keeping this journal will provide you with tangible evidence of your achievement, free from the fear and pain of being mistreated.
Do what makes you happy
It is important to understand that recovery from trauma will not happen overnight. It’s normal to have different emotional reactions with varying degrees of intensity. If you feel that forgiving someone who has wronged you will make you happy, do so with an inner drive, not the pressures of those around you who force you to be a false ideal. Do not bother to praise those around you if you declare your forgiveness for those who wronged you. Find what makes you able to overcome trauma and get out of the cycle of sadness in peace.