A woman has provoked a fierce debate after asking if she should break up with her boyfriend of four-and-a-half years because he hasn’t proposed yet.
Posting on US-based forum Reddit, the anonymous woman, 27, explained that her partner previously promised to consider getting married after completing his medical training.
But the milestone came and went eight months ago and he still hasn’t proposed, leaving her feeling like she isn’t good enough for him and should move on.
She added that she’s brought it up with him and he told her that marriage is still the ‘end goal’, but that he ‘wasn’t sure and needed more time to see more about our relationship’.
Responses to the thread were dividied, with some arguing that the boyfriend wanted to get married he would’ve proposed by now, while others claimed they had to wait longer than five years and are now happily wed.
A US woman has revealed she’s having doubts about the future of her relationship because her boyfriend hasn’t proposed (file image)
The woman penned a lengthy post explaining that her relationship has been amazing for most of their 4.5 years together and they discussed their future together in the first few months.
She said there aren’t high expectations for an expensive wedding that’s preventing them from getting married, writing: ‘When we talked about our futures in the past it was made clear we would get married when he finished his medical program.
‘Fast forward to him finishing his medical program (over a year ago) — still no engagement. I thought maybe he is just waiting to be done with residency and to secure a permanent position — alas that has been achieved as well — still no engagement.
‘I have gotten very anxious over the last couple months and decided to bring up the conversation or marriage goals up again (a little over 3.5 years into the relationship at that point). He said that was still his end goal, but also mentioned he wasn’t sure and needed more time to see more about our relationship.’
The woman admitted the delay in getting engaged has made her lose confidence and left her feeling that their time together has been wasted.
She continued: ‘I’m getting to the point where it’s hard for me to function and I have doubts about our future. If someone is still unsure about you after nearly 4.5 years of dating is that I sign I need to move on? I’ve tried to understand why this is and am left with no answers.
The woman explained on Reddit, that her boyfriend completed his medical residency 8 months ago but is still unsure about getting married
‘He doesn’t have student loans, he has mentioned he has decent savings, etc. and I’m just left lost and confused why this relationship feels like it is falling apart and has run its course. Have I done something to make him so unsure?
‘It’s been so long and I have brought up my thoughts on marriage two more times since the 3.5 year talk and no longer feel excited about the prospect of getting engaged and married. I’m worried that this behavior will continue in into our future together (potential issues/delays planning a wedding, making life decisions, etc.). At this point I feel like a proposal (if it were to even happen) would be more of an event to keep me quiet and not because it’s something he wants.
‘I feel like I am not the one for him (even though I have dreamed of spending the rest of my life with him for a long time now). The love feels so one sided.
‘He has a handful of close friends that have gotten engaged and married in the last two years too. I have just started to think that I am not good enough and am strongly considering moving on. But I don’t want to make a mistake.’
The majority of responses to the post urged the woman to leave her boyfriend and warned she will be wasting time if they stay together because they will never get married.
One person wrote: ‘I think the line where he said he wasn’t sure and needed more time to see about our relationship is really telling that he probably wants to get married, but not to you.
‘Like, if you’ve been with someone for nearly five years, what’s there to “see”? Especially when you guys talked about your goals in year one. Maybe he’s thinking the grass is greener…’
A stream of responses to the thread warned the woman that she is wasting her time by staying with someone who has no intentions of getting married
Another said: ‘You need to leave. If he was going to marry you, he certainly would have done so by now. My husband said that he knew after four months of dating that I was the one. That was 30 years ago.
‘By staying with him, hoping that he proposes, you are doing yourself a disservice. You cannot find the perfect one for you, who will love, appreciate and respect you if you are tied up with someone that has no future intentions towards you.’
However, others argued not everyone is ready to get married within the same length of time and told how they waited longer than five years for a proposal.
One wrote: ‘My husband and I dated 10 years before we got married. It’s now 24 years we are together.’
One commenter suggested that the woman take matters into her own hands and pop the question herself
‘Seems like everyone on here expects that everyone has to be ready for marriage on the exact same timeline, or else they’re somehow evil and plotting to waste their partner’s time before leaving them. Marriage is a huge decision and four years is really not long to know someone at all.
‘I have had friends I thought were forever at four years only to find out I didn’t even know the personal at all a couple years after. Everyone is ready at their own pace, for some that’s two years, some at 10,’ another said.
A third added: ‘4.5 year is not enough. You youngins think this is such a long time. It’s not. Especially not with a 50 per cent chance of divorce. It’s 10 per cent of a 40 year relationship. Take your time and actually get to know someone. ‘
Others argued the couple haven’t been together long, while claiming they have happy marriages after waiting more than five years for a proposal
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