Woman who came out as a lesbian to her husband two years ago reveals they are still married

A woman who came out as a lesbian to her husband has revealed she is still married two years later as he remains her ‘soulmate’.

Nicolette Popa, 26, from Wilmington, North Carolina, told her husband Ryan, 27, she was attracted solely to women in 2020, six years after they tied knot.       

The delivery driver says that civil servant Ryan is her best friend and they are each other’s ‘biggest supporters’.

Instead of getting embroiled in a hostile split and diving headfirst into the world of dating, the dedicated duo still live together and are continuing to co-parent their two children, Jace, five, and Clay, four.

‘We’re still married and we still live together in our house with our kids,’ she explained. ‘For right now, what we do works. We’re trying to figure out our careers and trying to make sure that our kids have the best outcome.

Nicolette Popa, 26, from Wilmington, North Carolina, told husband Ryan, 27, she was attracted solely to women in 2020, six years after they tied knot (left on their wedding day, right now) 

Since revealing their unusual parenting set-up on TikTok, Nicolette has received praise from other lesbian women in straight marriages for demonstrating how to successfully co-parent.

Both sides of the couple’s family support their decision to remain married, although some online users ‘can’t wrap their heads around it’, blasting Nicolette for ‘wasting’ Ryan’s time.

‘Ryan’s often gone so he doesn’t get to see the kids often. I’m trying to figure out my new career, while raising our kids,’ she explained. 

‘We’re prioritizing family life over the dating side of things.

‘It’s about making sure the kids are happy, making sure they know they’re loved and for them to have both parents around as much as possible.

‘Me and Ryan have maintained this friendship, he’ll always be my best friend.

‘We got married when I was 19 and he was 20. We’ve been together basically through all of our 20s, and he’s that person I’ve been around constantly.

‘I feel like he’ll always be my soulmate, just from a different perspective.

‘We know how to get under each other’s skin but we also know how to be each other’s biggest supporters. 

The delivery driver says civil servant Ryan is her best friend and they are each other’s ‘biggest supporters’. Instead of getting embroiled in a hostile split and diving headfirst into the world of dating, the dedicated duo still live together and co-parent Jace, five, and Clay, four.

Since revealing their unusual parenting set-up on TikTok, Nicolette has received praise from other lesbian women in straight marriages for demonstrating how to successfully co-parent. They are pictured with their two children 

Both sides of the couple’s family support their decision to remain married, although some online users ‘can’t wrap their heads around it’, blasting Nicolette for ‘wasting’ Ryan’s time. The couple are pictured 

‘I came to Ryan about a year-and-a-half ago, we were living in Japan at the time. The lockdown over there meant we were around each other a lot more.

‘We were just confined to our house, so we spent a lot of time together.

‘We learnt a lot about ourselves, so I think that was part of the big push for us to have that conversation.’

Nicolette knew she was a lesbian while growing up but she was fearful of coming out because she was raised in a conservative area of Missouri. 

‘I think I knew I was gay growing up, [but] here in America it can be very conservative,’ she explained. 

‘My family are definitely conservative, we’re from the Midwest so it’s very “country” out there.

‘We grew up hunting and fishing and all that stuff, Ryan’s family are pretty religious too.

Nicolette knew she was a lesbian while growing up but she was fearful of coming out because she was raised in a conservative area of Missouri. She was just 19 when she got married (pictured on her wedding day) 

Incredibly supportive of Nicolette from the outset, Ryan even claims to have seen signs that his wife was gay before she opened up to him. The couple are pictured with their kids

‘It wasn’t really a thing to be gay when I was growing up. Deep down I thought about it, but I was terrified.

‘But as I got older, it just felt like I had this weight on my chest. I knew that there was something that I needed to figure out.

‘I talked to Ryan about it and said “listen, I just kind of feel this way about myself and I don’t know if that’s weird, and how you’ll feel about it”‘.

‘He was basically like “okay that’s cool, women are great”.

‘This was six years into our marriage. When I came out, it was just to him for a while, because I wasn’t sure how we wanted to navigate it.’

Incredibly supportive of Nicolette from the outset, Ryan even claims to have seen signs that his wife was gay before she opened up to him.

Ryan said: ‘It wasn’t a shock when Nicolette came out. I started to have suspicions but I wasn’t going to ask, I was going to wait for her to tell me herself.

‘I waited for her to come to me about it.

‘She really emphasised being a tomboy, the way she was dressing, she was embracing it more.

Given her conservative upbringing, Nicolette (pictured with Ryan) had initially been apprehensive about coming out to her family. But they are all supportive now

After making videos referencing their living situation on TikTok, Nicolette has found a surprising audience of women who relate to her situation.

‘It wasn’t like a night to day transformation, she went from wearing T-shirts to button downs.

‘My family were really supportive, and they still are. We still go on family holidays with them, we all get along really well.’

Given her conservative upbringing, Nicolette had initially been apprehensive about coming out to her family.

Nicolette said: ‘After coming out to Ryan, I started telling my close friends. A lot of them were just like ‘Nic just say it, we’ve been waiting for you to say it’.

‘I’ve only just come out to my immediate family this past June. I’m now completely out and just kind of embraced it.

‘I was terrified to come out. I called up my mom one night while I was working and said ‘I just need to really tell you this’. I was crying and everything.

‘She was like “I love you no matter what”. She was kind of taking the blame because she felt like she was the one who made me feel afraid to be accepted.

‘I grew up feeling like I wouldn’t be accepted, even though I was.’ 

Most TikTok commenters praised Nicolette and Ryan for working to co-parent their young sons despite the change in circumstances.

After making videos referencing their living situation on TikTok, Nicolette has found a surprising audience of women who relate to her situation.

Nicolette said: ‘My TikTok was originally just me making dumb TikToks by myself, but then I thought I’d get Ryan involved.

‘I didn’t expect it at all to blow up because to us, it’s just normal.

‘To all of our friends, that’s just the way we are. But I guess when I thought about it, it is interesting because we’re so out of the norm.

‘The reaction on TikTok has been mostly supportive. Occasionally we’ll get hate comments from people who don’t understand because they can’t wrap their heads around it.

‘It’s really cool to see that a lot of women who were in my exact situation have found my videos and commented.

‘It shows them that there is an upside and that co-parenting can be possible.’

Most TikTok commenters praised Nicolette and Ryan for working to co-parent their young sons despite the change in circumstances.

One wrote: ‘I love this for your family! It’s great having such a solid friendship and great co-parenting relationship.’

Another commented: ‘This makes me so happy. I’m going through something similar and my husband is in full support of me. It’s amazing to have a supportive partner.’

A fellow user also related to Nicolette: ‘I went through this three years ago. He has faithfully stuck by my side through everything. I’m thankful for a best friend like him.’