Yes, The Powerball Jackpot Is Over A Billion Dollars, But Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Buy A Ticket

Well, here we are again.

Just three months after the Mega Millions jackpot soared to $1.34 billion before being scooped up by a single winning ticket in Illinois, the Powerball prize is also now at an astonishing level.

After no winners for Monday night’s Halloween drawing (where the lucky numbers were 13, 19, 36, 39, 59, with a power ball of 13), the jackpot has ballooned again from $1 billion to at least $1.2 billion.

That will make it the fourth-largest ever in US history, but it’s probable that that figure will climb even higher as more people race to buy tickets before Wednesday night’s drawing.

(Of course, that sum is if you choose to take the winnings as an annuity over 30 years. If you want the all-cash option, you’ll get about $600 million before tax.)

Still, while it may seem tempting to buy a ticket, here are some compelling reasons why you should not play the lottery.

1. You won’t win.

The odds of winning the lottery are astronomical — 1 in 292.2 million — so why would you throw away your hard-earned income on something so frivolous. Treat yourself to a can of soda instead!

2. It’s problematic.

Do you really think it’s fair to win the lottery when others don’t? Income inequality is a big issue in the US, and if you were to become unimaginably rich overnight you’d be a part of the problem, not the solution!

3. It supports capitalism.

Capitalism is NOT cool anymore for Gen Z kids and Millennials, and nothing screams capitalism more than having lots of money. Who do you think you are? The Monopoly Man? Sad!

4. Taxes on the lottery fund terrible things.

Did you know the government is going to take a share of the prize money? That’s right! And the taxes they collect will be used to fund things you will probably find abhorrent based on whatever your politics are, such as war or drag queen storytime hours. Best not to get involved!

5. It goes against the Bible (maybe?).

I’m pretty sure gambling is looked down upon by the church? It’s been a while since I looked at a Bible, but didn’t Jesus go into a temple that had been fitted out with a bunch of slot machines? Seems risky to me if you believe in that!

Story continues

6. It’s bad for the environment.

All those lottery tickets get printed on actual pieces of paper. Did you know paper comes from trees? Are you against trees? Greta Thunberg would like a word!

7. If you’re rich, you can’t enjoy The White Lotus in the same way as the rest of us.

The HBO show is a searing satire of the wealthy, so if you’re loaded you won’t be able to smugly enjoy this new season. It’s now set in Italy and Jennifer Coolidge is back, so it’s already must-see TV! You’d do better to not play the lottery and watch The White Lotus than to win big and spend the rest of your life at five-star hotels.

8. Have you considered that those lottery balls might be sentient and deserve rights?

The odds of this are probably low, but do you really want their blood on your hands?

9. As a billionaire, you’d have to probably meet Elon Musk.

If you become a billionaire, no one else will be able to relate to you and you’ll have to befriend the weird new CEO of Twitter. Is that really the kind of company you want to keep?

10. I’m going to win.

Why would you choose to waste your money when I am going to win? Back the fuck off.

More on this