What did you do the last time you had sex?
Was it in your bedroom or in a loo in a nightclub late at night? Last seconds or hours? Did you give the Kama Sutra a run for its money or have sex missionary-style, lights out, on a Saturday night?
When people say they ‘had sex’, it can mean any or all of the above. Sure, for most, ‘sex’ normally does involve a rather predictable combination of foreplay and intercourse.
But not for everyone.
I asked men and women from a broad cross-section of life to tell me exactly what they did during their last sex encounter to find out just how varied our sex lives really are.
The results might surprise you!
Sex expert Tracey Cox asked men and women from a broad cross-section of life to tell HER exactly what they did during their last sex encounter (stock image)
WHAT DID YOU DO THE LAST TIME YOU HAD SEX?
Married couple, late 30s, with children
‘When we first got together, we were adventurous. We’d watch porn together, send nude photos and videos. That all went out the window after four gruelling rounds of IVF.
‘It worked – we have a baby – but at the expense of our sex life. My partner has two teenage boys from another marriage and they’re also with us a lot.
‘How can you have hot sex with an 18-month-old child and two teenagers in the house? We have sex about once a month.
‘It’s done last thing at night when we’re both exhausted. There’s no kissing, we dive straight in.
‘He’ll use my vibrator on me to warm me up, and then it’s straight to intercourse. He has an orgasm within five minutes. I don’t.
‘He always offers to “look after me” – code for he’ll give me oral sex – but I always say no. I’d rather sleep than orgasm.’
Female, single, 24
‘It was with a guy I met on Tinder. He came over to mine and we drank and watched some You Tube videos.
‘Then we started kissing and he played with my breasts for quite a while. He didn’t bring any condoms (which I thought was weird, since it was obvious we were going to hook up – go figure!), so we just had oral sex.
‘Both of us had an orgasm. I think oral sex is more reliable that way than penetration. I was kind of glad he didn’t bring protection in the end.’
Male, 22, been with girlfriend four months
Tracey, pictured, reveals that one couple would rather sleep than have sex after having a baby
‘Sex is quite stressful for me because I ejaculate too fast. My girlfriend is pretty good about it and she knows it doesn’t take much to make me lose it.
‘The last time we had sex, she wore some great underwear and high heels: she loves showing off her body. She knelt in front of me and gave me oral sex and I lost it in seconds.
‘We’re used to this happening, so just kept going and I gave her oral sex. After a while, I was a little hard again, so we tried having intercourse.
‘It’s humiliating when you’re not hard enough but it worked and I lasted about three minutes before coming. That’s quite good for me, so we were both pretty happy.’
Married couple, mid-50s, been together 12 years
‘I’ve had some issues with painful sex post menopause so we don’t have intercourse anymore. My husband is pretty good about it: I do worry he secretly misses it but he doesn’t complain.
‘We have sex about once a fortnight and it’s nearly always after wine – I can’t remember the last time we had sex sober.
‘I give him oral sex for about five minutes and bring him to the verge, then he starts on me. We nearly always do it in the lounge or the kitchen, so I’ll either jump on the kitchen bench or he lies on the couch and I straddle him.
‘He gets off on me getting off, so he’ll usually stimulate himself while giving me oral. Sometimes I orgasm, sometimes I don’t but it’s not an issue, so I don’t have to fake it.
‘We’re good like that: it’s more about giving each other pleasure. So long as one of us has one, that’s all we care about.’
Sex by numbers: So how does YOUR love life stack up?
Here’s some global statistics of what we get up to in private.
Most couples have around 10 minutes of foreplay and 10 minutes of intercourse with the average sex session lasting 33 minutes.
This was across all age groups. Sixty-five percent of people are happy with the session lasting that long, 14 per cent aren’t.
Six out of ten men and women masturbate – one third of us do it at least weekly.
85 per cent of men say their partner had an orgasm the last time they had sex. Only 64 per cent of women say they had an orgasm during their last encounter.
Eighty per cent of women don’t orgasm from penetrative sex.
Vaginal intercourse is the type of sex most likely to lead to orgasm for men.
Women orgasm more often when oral sex or other forms of stimulation are included.
Only 8 percent of couples have intercourse for longer than 30 minutes, despite lots thinking this is the norm.
People use more than 40 combinations of sex acts, according to one survey of Americans between 14 and 94.
Vaginal intercourse is the most common but oral sex and mutual masturbation are also popular.
Almost two-thirds of couples (62 per cent) have sex more on holiday than when they are at home.
Saturday is the most popular day for sex, followed by Friday and Sunday.
British people have sex most in July: around four times a week as compared to just over twice a week in November.
Just over a quarter of Brits have sex every week – but age makes a big difference.
Only 60 per cent of couples who’ve been together 2-7 years have sex weekly. This drops to 41 per cent for couples in the 7-15 year age-group.
Seventeen per cent of couples who’ve been together 30 years or more haven’t had sex in the past year.
63 percent of men try things they’ve seen on porn in real life.
After a one-night-stand, 27 per cent of women want the person to leave so they can have the bed to themselves.
Female, 49, married for 15 years
‘I used to love sex but will do anything to avoid it now. It’s all about my husband and I get no pleasure from it. It’s now just “special occasion” sex, though his birthday just came and went and no overtures were made. Thank God.
‘When we do attempt it, it’s invariably me doing things to him. He’s always drunk and it takes forever: it’s like a mini-workout and my wrist aches.
‘He never asks what I need or want; I guess because it’s obvious I don’t enjoy sex with him. But what came first? The boring sex or being bored with sex?’
Female, 41, single
‘I’ve been single for years so sex is always just me and my vibrator. I either watch porn or read a book with bits I know will get me off.
‘I quite like audio porn as well: it makes me feel like there’s someone in the room with me. I sometimes wonder if there ever will be again.
‘Maybe sex for me is always just going to be me and sex toys and that’s my lot.’
Gay female, 37, in a committed relationship
‘This is my first long-term relationship in a while and it’s got pros and cons. I love the intimacy but I like fierce, quite forceful sex.
‘Our sex is more about long oral sex sessions and using our fingers and sex toys. I’m into female ejaculation and can achieve it quite easily, so there’s a lot of G-spot stuff as well.
‘I preferred the sex I used to have but happy to do without because the relationship is great.’
Female, 28, enjoys lots of casual sex
‘My ex and I stay in contact because we’re both into anal – big time – and lots of the people we hook up with aren’t.
‘We get together late at night on the weekends and usually smoke some weed and muck about with some anal sex toys.
‘We always save our orgasms for anal intercourse, though, which usually happens about 15 minutes after that. Vaginal intercourse is so-so once you experience anal.
‘Anal is so much more intense and satisfying. Afterwards, we smoke a bit more and watch a movie then one of us heads home.’
Couple, late 20s, who have been together three years
‘I woke up spooning my girlfriend, as I always do. We had lazy sex, me from behind, but I held off on having an orgasm.
‘We had coffee in bed then I rolled her over and gave her oral sex and made her come twice. Then she jumped on top and I did, too.
‘That’s how we start most days on the weekend, though obviously we try different positions.’
Married gay couple, late 30s
‘People think gay men have loads of great sex and lots of partners but our sex is formulaic and routine.
‘He usually gets some porn on his phone and we pass it back and forth while we give each other hand jobs or oral sex. I think he’s still a bit thrown after our threesome.
‘He’s less experienced than me and wanted to try one. I organized it but knew it wouldn’t go well: I’ve had loads of them and know how it works.
‘He’s competitive and didn’t like playing second fiddle.’
For more sex advice and for Tracey’s products and books, visit traceycox.com.
Statistics are from the following sources: Durex Global Sex Survey (2020), British Condoms (2020 sex survey results), YouGov (2020), National Survey of Sexual Health and Behaviour (US), Lovehoney UK survey (2021).