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“If you want your son to grow up and become a healthy person on both the physical and psychological levels, do not make sure he is happy all the time.” It may seem like a harsh or somewhat harsh statement, but scientific studies indicate that parents’ concern for their children’s happiness all the time causes them to be exposed to psychological pressure and depression when they grow up.
Feelings of sadness and fear are necessary
In order for your children to grow up and bear the problems and challenges they will go through on a personal level, in addition to the problems that happen in the world in terms of wars, famines, and famines, they must experience a wide range of feelings that do not stop at happiness. They need to experience sadness, fear, and disappointment.
The HBS educational website published a study in which 37,000 people participated in the year 2014, which concluded that people who experience different emotions enjoy better mental and physical health, have lower rates of depression, and are able to deal with a wide range of emotions, circumstances, and situations.
It is important to help children know and appreciate happiness when it exists, and to cope with difficult situations at the same time.
An experience that is not taught
Psychologist Dr. Vanessa Lapointe tells the Fontaine Montessori educational website that going through unhappy situations contributes to children’s social and emotional development, noting that social and emotional development cannot be taught, but rather one must experience it himself.
The challenge that parents face is to help their children go through the experiences they need in order to reach the maximum levels of social and emotional maturity. “For a child to become an emotionally intelligent human being, he needs to experience the full range of human feelings, not just happiness.”
According to Lapointe, parents’ excessive interest in meeting their children’s needs teaches young people that they are the center of the world, and that everyone must fulfill their demands, “and this is absolutely unhealthy.”
“harmful happiness”
As for the American “Washington Post” journalist, she in turn reported a number of researches that found that the typical methods followed by parents in the pursuit of happiness do not benefit children at all, but rather steadily increase anxiety and mental health problems among young people and adolescents, even before they engage cognitively. Or realistically with the turmoil the world is witnessing.
According to the newspaper, focusing on teaching children positivity instead of helping them accept difficult situations they may encounter causes them to lack the skills necessary to manage these feelings when life becomes difficult.
This does not mean that happiness is bad or that pleasure should not be sought, but “forced happiness” or setting happiness as the only goal in life without a deeper sense of meaning or purpose can turn positive feelings into something harmful.
It’s okay to be sad temporarily
The “Psychology Today” website states that what is meant in this context is to experience negative experiences or unpleasant feelings temporarily, not permanently or for a long time, such that the feeling of anger, neglect, sadness, hurt, discomfort, incompetence, defeat, or turmoil is constant. For an hour, a day, or a week at most. If it exceeds this period, negative feelings may cause great harm.
In the event of going through negative experiences for a limited period, it turns into something similar to an educational experience, which can make children’s experience of happiness richer when compared to lower feelings.
On the other hand, although occasional sadness is healthy, exposure to it for a long period may cause depression. It is important to talk to your child if he shows signs of depression, and seek the help of a psychologist to treat it.
What does a child learn from negative emotions?
- Flexibility: Psychiatrist Judy Loinger tells the Fontaine Montessori website that a child’s personality gains flexibility when he is allowed to express his feelings and act freely when he goes through disturbing circumstances without trying to suppress them. Children should know that negative emotions are part of life.
- trust: When children see that they are able to overcome negative experiences, they gain more confidence in their ability to cope with difficult circumstances next time. If we protect children from everything that might bother them, they will not have the opportunity to develop ways to adapt to all circumstances.
- self-reliance: Feeling self-reliant is another positive outcome of dealing with negative emotions in children. On the other hand, young people will not be able to cope with difficult circumstances if they are accustomed to us intervening to help them every time they feel dissatisfied.
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